


Haldir's Fluffy Tale

by Jaiden_S



Category: Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-01
Updated: 2012-09-01
Packaged: 2017-11-13 08:23:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/501438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaiden_S/pseuds/Jaiden_S
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haldir needs a vacation, but his "relaxing" trip to Gondor proves to be anything but.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Haldir's Fluffy Tale

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Haldir's Fluffy Tale  
> Author: Jaiden S  
> Type: Slash  
> Pairing: Haldir/Elladan  
> Rating: R  
> Warnings: None. Fluffy goodness.  
> Disclaimer: Don't own the characters, no profit made.
> 
> Notes: Written for the 2005 Haldir’s Realm Spring Challenge, hence the Easter theme. No beta, so all mistakes are mine. I recently tweaked it, so any other versions you may find elsewhere will be a little different.

“Please, Haldir? For me? I promise it will be fun.”

Haldir stood glaring, his arms folded over his chest in staunch defiance. Normally, he would not have dreamed of taking such a stance against the gentle pleadings of Queen Arwen, but this was different. There were bunny ears involved.

“I still don’t understand why Aragorn cannot do this himself.” Haldir arched an irritated eyebrow at the queen.

“Because Eldarion is old enough to recognize his Ada, even if his sisters are not,” Arwen replied, batting her eyelashes and smiling sweetly. Haldir’s eyes seemed to flicker with the tiniest bit of consideration, and Arwen pounced. “Haldir, my children love you! You’re a natural storyteller, and it would be the highlight of the Spring Celebration if you would agree to read the Tale of the Rabbit to them.”

Haldir frowned. “If it only involved reading, I would not object. But no, my dear Lady. You wish to see me humiliated in front of the whole of Gondor.”

“I promise you will only have to wear the bunny costume for a half hour, and I swear on the good name of my husband that nobody over the age of twenty shall see you in rabbit ears and a cotton tail,” she replied with a chuckle.

Haldir grimaced and threw up his hands in mock defeat. “Oh, very well. I cannot refuse you anything, Arwen.”

Throwing her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek, Arwen teased, “I know, and that is precisely why I asked you. Meet me in the courtyard at midday tomorrow in full costume.”

He eyed the floppy ears and tried for one last time to wriggle out of the situation. “Is the outfit really necessary? Can’t we just pretend I’m a bunny? Children have vivid imaginations and I’m on vacation…”

“It’s absolutely necessary,” she said as she turned to leave in a swirl of robes. “What is Spring without an appearance by the March Hare? It will be fun!”

The door closed with a muted click, and Haldir glared with disgust at the fluffy pink outfit.

Somehow, Orophin had convinced him a few weeks prior that he needed a vacation, and that Gondor was the perfect place to unwind. His brother had even gone as far as to make all of the arrangements on Haldir’s behalf. Before he even knew what was happening, Haldir found himself atop a slow-paced gelding, halfway between Lorien and Gondor.

Already his vacation had begun to unravel. Much to his chagrin, Haldir quickly discovered Gondor was not exactly a holiday destination. There were no beaches, no warm springs, no glittering caves, and certainly no forests to explore. The highlight of his holiday thus far had been an outing with Eomer to visit a local horse farm. Fascinating.

To make matters even worse, Arwen’s spectacular rake of a brother had chosen to grace the citizens of Gondor with his presence. The thought of seeing Elladan made Haldir’s head hurt. The thought of Elladan seeing him in a bunny costume made his stomach turn. In fact, any thought of Elladan at all was most unsettling. Haldir hoped with all of his heart that he could avoid any contact whatsoever with him and his roguish winks, crude gestures and decidedly immature tendency to engage in inappropriate behavior. It was shameless, scandalous and Haldir wanted no part of it.

He mindlessly picked a fuzz ball off of the bunny ears. “If Elladan sees me dressed as a bunny, my life will be over,” he fretted.

~*~

The next afternoon, a few minutes after midday, Haldir tiptoed his way along the corridor, praying to Eru that nobody would spot him. Fortunately, the only sound he heard was the patter of his own fur-covered feet as they padded along the marbled floors. “I look like a pink nightmare,” he muttered as he plodded in a fog of shame toward the courtyard.

“Haldir!” hissed Arwen, grabbing his arm and snatching him out the glass-paned doors that led to the small gardens. “You’re late!”

But before Haldir could utter a word in his own defense, he found himself unceremoniously shoved in front of a semi-circle of squirming Elflings. A lone stool sat in the center of the group. Atop it lay a book that Haldir gathered he was supposed to read aloud.

“He’s here! The March Hare!” cried an eager boy seated to his right. Haldir paled visibly. Normally he loved being the center of attention, but his audience usually consisted of diplomats or dignitaries…not wriggling children with runny noses and messy hair. Nevertheless, he pasted a smile on his face, perched himself atop the stool, and began to read in a loud, clear voice.

“Once upon a time, there lived a rabbit. March Hare was his name.”

The children squealed with anticipation, scooting closer to Haldir as he read, a fact which completely unnerved him. Nevertheless, he continued to spin his yarn. After all, the sooner he finished, the sooner he could be free of the hot, smelly costume.

After what seemed to be an interminable time spent in utter humiliation, the tale mercifully came to an end.

“Again! Please Mr. Hare? Just once more,” cried Eldarion from his seat on Arwen’s lap. Arwen hid a giggle behind her hand and gave Haldir a devious wink.

Haldir adjusted his floppy ears while he eyed the nearest escape route. “Oh, no…No, no. I cannot stay. Mrs. Hare will be upset if I don’t return home soon,” he sputtered. With one last wave to his adoring fans, he dashed out of the courtyard and in through the rear entrance of the palace.

A few of the older children leapt up and gave chase as he fled down the hallways, crying, “Wait, Mr. Hare! Read us another story!” But Haldir managed to elude them all, despite the fact that his furry slippers caused him to slip more than once on the polished floors.

By the time he reached the safety of his guest rooms, he was completely out of breath. He slammed the door behind him and leaned back against it, heaving a huge sigh of relief. “Oh, thank Elbereth nobody saw me.”

The pink bunny ears landed on the floor first, followed by the heavy pink cloak and the fuzzy cotton tail. It wasn’t until he sat on the edge of the bed to remove the slippers that he noticed someone had been in his rooms.

He froze, his eyes locked onto a chocolate bunny that rested on the bedside table. Behind the bunny sat a handwritten note, written in a distinctive scrawl. A scrawl with which he was quite familiar. With trembling fingers, Haldir picked it up and began to read.

_Dear Mr. Hare,_  
I believe you have hippy-hopped your way into my heart. Why don’t you don the ears and join me tonight in the gardens? I’ll be the one with the fluffy tail.  
Love,  
Bunni Wunnikins. 

Hot shame and fiery anger flushed Haldir’s cheeks as he read and re-read the note. Stars! Elladan had seen him after all!! He wadded the note into a ball and hurled it angrily across the room. It was official: Life as he knew it had just ended.

~*~

All through dinner, Haldir stewed, his eyes darting all about the great hall for signs of that smirking bastard of an Elf, Elladan.

“What has you in such a state, Haldir?” asked Arwen as she graciously moved among the tables greeting her guests.

Haldir cast a wary glance around the room before he leaned close and whispered, “I’m being blackmailed.”

“Blackmailed?!” gasped Arwen in sheer disbelief.

“Yes,” he growled through gritted teeth. “Your vile older brother saw me dressed in that pink disaster and is demanding that I meet him in the gardens tonight.”

“Oh, Haldir,” sighed Arwen with a relieved smile. “For a moment I thought you were serious.”

“I AM serious! He means to humiliate me, and I will not stand for it!”

“Perhaps he means to compliment you. After all, you were simply adorable with those droopy ears and that little tuft of a tail. Did you know it wiggles when you walk?”

Haldir blushed right up to the tips of his pointed ears. “I am the Marchwarden of the Golden Wood. I am NOT adorable!”

Arwen smiled benevolently and said, “Forgive me. You are not adorable. Cute, maybe but certainly not adorable. Go and meet him. You might have fun.”

Haldir shot her a withering look. “He can rot out there for all I care. I’m not going.”

Arwen just smiled. “As Queen of this realm, I command you to the gardens. Now.”

Biting back a retort, Haldir stood and bowed with an exaggerated flourish. “As you wish.”

~*~

Despite his current state of high annoyance, Haldir had to admit that the moonlit gardens were lovely, possibly even romantic, if one were interested in that sort of thing. The fragrance of night-blooming jasmine and sweet hyacinth hung thick in the air, the mild evening breeze stirring the blooms ever so slightly. As he strolled, he drifted his fingertips lazily over the tops of the flowers, smiling as the silky blooms dipped and swayed.

“Lovely evening isn’t it, Mr. Hare?”

Haldir groaned to himself and refused to turn and face his tormentor. “Elladan. What a surprise.”

“In the flesh…and in the ears also.”

Haldir whirled around to see Elladan grinning rakishly at him, wearing little more than bunny ears and a smile. Was that a fluffy tail on the back of his g-string? He looked positively scandalous, Haldir decided. Scandalous and inappropriate…and devastatingly handsome. Damn it.

“What do you want, Elladan?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I want you, Haldir.” Elladan looked remarkably like a ravenous wolf.

Haldir took a step backwards. “M-me? Oh, but why? I’m boring. I’m uninteresting. I’m…I’m…I’m on vacation,” he said weakly as he continued his backward progress.

Elladan pressed forward, undaunted by Haldir’s flimsy excuses. “You were very appealing this afternoon. I never knew you had such a way with Elflings, or cotton tails, for that matter. I thought you noticed me there in the back of the crowd. It’s not like I tried to hide myself. Maybe you were just too focused on the story to pay me any attention.”

With each step forward that Elladan took, Haldir crept backward, until he found himself pinned between a hard tree trunk and half naked Elf. “What are you doing? You know this is foolishness.” He closed his eyes, praying silently that Elladan would simply disappear. Alas, he did not fade away, though the distance between them certainly had.

Cool fingers stroked the curves of his flaming cheeks, and warm breath ghosted over his fevered brow. “What’s wrong with a bit of foolishness? After all, as you just said, you are on vacation. Relax. Enjoy yourself. I promise not to tell a soul. What happens in Gondor, stays in Gondor.”

Haldir blinked his eyes open and gave Elladan’s suggestion some real consideration. “Perhaps, you are right. Nobody needs to know. Nobody has to ever find out. It could be a vacation fl-”

Before he could even finish his sentence, Elladan claimed his lips in a searing kiss, sliding his silky tongue against Haldir’s in a swirl of heated bliss. Haldir gasped from the sheer pleasure of it.

“That’s more like it, Mr. Hare,” Elladan purred, leaning in to give Haldir’s ear a seductive lick. “Now, come with me. Bunni wants to see your burrow.”

~*~

Knuckles rapped sharply on Haldir’s door at precisely Nine O’clock the following morning.

“Haldir? It’s Arwen. I missed you at breakfast this morning and wanted to make sure you were alright,” she called brightly.

A peculiar sound of scuffling feet, fluttering blankets and muffled giggles could be heard from behind the closed door, and Arwen leaned closer out of pure curiosity. After all, it wasn’t every day that one heard unusual noises coming from Haldir’s bedchambers.

Suddenly, the door flew open, startling her out of her crouched position and sending her into a fit of nervous laughter. Haldir appeared terribly amused. He also appeared terribly attired, holding a pink furry slipper in front of his crotch and droopy bunny ears atop his head.

“Eavesdropping is for females who have nothing better to do. I’m sure that description cannot possibly fit the Queen of Gondor,” he said, eyes narrowed in feigned anger . “I suggest you give up the practice or develop better reflexes.”

Arwen slapped at his bare arm and replied, “Say nothing about bad habits, Mr. Hare, or I shall tell everyone how cute you look in bunny ears.”

“I’m on vacation,” he said with a shrug. “I’ll dress as I please.”

Arwen winked as she turned to leave, adding, “I will leave you to your foolishness. And ask the chambermaid to launder the rabbit costume once you have finished with it.”

“What that all about?” Elladan called from his spot under the blankets once Haldir had shut the door. He stretched long in the bed and patted the indention next to him on the sheets left by Haldir’s body.

Haldir dropped the slipper onto the floor and eagerly crawled back into the bed, pulling Elladan close against him. “Arwen missed me at breakfast,” he purred, nuzzling Elladan’s ear as he spoke. “She wanted to make sure I was well.”

“I can attest to the fact that you are quite well, indeed. Bright eyed and bushy tailed in fact,” Elladan whispered, his breath catching and rasping raggedly as Haldir licked a wet trail down his neck.

“Mmm…” replied Haldir, sliding a hand down the length of Elladan’s smooth back. “Oh yes, and eager to do that for which rabbits are known…”

“This…ooh…Is a whole different side of you, Haldir. I never knew you were…ahh…so carefree.” Elladan felt himself positively melt under Haldir’s tender caresses.

“I’m on vacation,” chuckled Haldir.

And nobody saw hide nor hair of either bunny for the rest of the day.


End file.
